At one time, Long Island was America’s crime capital. But not any more. We did it.
Thanks to our fabulous men-in-blue , our crime wave is over. Don’t forget, we’re Roslyn, the home of Bernie and Ruth Madoff. Look what happened to them.
The entire population of Long Island breathed a collective sigh of relief two weeks ago, when our amazing police officers from Suffolk’s Seventh Precinct announced the arrest of four “hardened” criminals for stealing frozen shrimp and selling it to a local restaurant. Just a typical day in the life of our crime-fighters. Our lives as we knew it can now return to normal.
I live in North Hills, located in the Roslyn school district. Do you want to hear about our student’s great SAT scores? Doubt it. Do you want to know how many of our students got into the “Ivy’s” last year? Don’t be ridiculous. Do Barbara’s Bagels on Willis Avenue really top them all?
All that matters to all of us, is that Nassau’s Finest caught our superintendent of schools systematically stealing millions of our dollars. As the comedian, Jackie Mason said, “I love a criminal who knows his business.”
Strange, that after he had stopped looting our coffers and went to jail, our school budget was never reduced by that same one million dollars that he was not now stealing. What’s a million dollars in Roslyn anyway?
Speaking of SAT scores, when you discuss Great Neck, my previous hometown for 35 years, do you care about our incredible academic, business or philanthropic record? You only want to talk about our recently solved SAT-cheating scandal? Right?
It took years for our top-notch Long Island Railroad detectives, to finally figure out that hundreds of their railroad retirees had falsely claimed a tax-free, job-related, retirement disability. It was a Long Island epidemic of “bad backs” as workers as well as their enablers did a perp-walk and were led out in handcuffs. We still see pictures in Newsday, showing “totally disabled” retirees, playing golf, working out in their gym, repairing their roofs or surfing in Hawaii.
But no sooner had our highly-trained, Sherlock Holmes group of experienced crime-fighters solved this case, they sprung into action again. Phones were not wired. No one wore a wire. Nothing was hot-wired. The wire in question? copper wires. This “ruthless” group of 12 railroad workers was caught red-handed stealing copper wires and reselling them. Imagine that, copper wire. What is this world coming to?
Thank God, this crime-wave is finally coming to an end. Forget the late-running trains, the crowded conditions, the air conditioning and heating malfunctions, commuters falling between the platforms and the railroad cars, the fatalities at the railroad-crossings, and of course, the sky-rocketing ticket prices. Get those copper-wire thieves. Especially if some of them were retiring with a phony disability.
Dr. Stephen Morris
North Hills
