I woke up this morning when the alarm went off. It went on and on; it almost drove me crazy, until someone turned it off.
I went downstairs and served my husband and boys a big breakfast. “They really put it away,” my husband said. Too bad – they should have eaten it, instead.
Then everyone left for the day, and I was left. I’d like to get out of the house, too, but I can’t – I work out of the house.
There’s so much dust in here! Doesn’t anyone ever dust?
My friend came by. She wanted help with a project. “I bought special washable paint for my daughter’s party, but look at the mess on this shirt,” she complained. “It just won’t wash out!”
“That’s what they mean by ‘washable,’” I explained. “You can wash all you want and it’s still there.”
“Well, that’s no help,” she said. “Why are you laughing?” I tried to help, but I couldn’t help it.
I wanted to trim a dress, with some lace – but the thing was too long, so I trimmed it, instead.
“Was it raveled like this when you bought it?” my friend wanted to know.
“Yes, but then it unraveled even more.”
I asked my friend to help me with the pets. The rabbit was gnawing on its cage.
“Did you bolt it?” I asked her. “Because if not, he’s likely to bolt. He’s fast, you know.”
“I’ve made it fast,” she replied. “With a fastener. But it might not stay.”
“Well, it will just have to stay in a fixed position, there’s no time to fix it right now. I’m late for lunch.”
I met my husband downtown.
“Is the chicken boned?” I asked the owner. “Or does it have bones?”
She replied, “All I know is, the recipe asked for pitted cherries and seeded grapes, but the only grapes I could find were seedless.”
The restaurant had a fireplace.
“Is that artificial log flammable?” my husband wanted to know. “Or is it inflammable?”
Either way, it burned, thanks to Jeff and his matchless matches!
In fact, it put out quite a lot of heat, until they put it out.
Then we got the check, but I forgot my wallet; I hope they’ll take a check.
The customer at the shop next door was vociferous.
“He clipped me on the chin!”
“Me, too!” said Jeff. “Isn’t he a great barber?”
“Actually, I think it was really sloppy work. Is that the custom, around here?”
“No, it was a custom job.”
“Well, don’t get accustomed to it is all I can say.”
“Darling,” I said to Jeff, “I have to leave now, for the bi-monthly editorial meeting.”
“Is that every other month?” he asked. “Or twice a month?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“That’s the board where your cousin is the retiring co-chair?”
“No, actually she’s outgoing.”
“I thought she resigned over their re-design?”
“I think she’s resigned to it, now. Last meeting, the president said, ‘We cannot underestimate her importance. I just can’t say too much about her!’”
Later, as we drove home, my cousin and I listened to the radio:
“The oversight committee committed an oversight, and forgot to sanction the NSA’s activities. It’s a problem, because without permission, the agency’s activities might have to be sanctioned.
“In other news, insurgents today published a list of demands of the United Nations.”
I was curious. “Don’t we already know what the U.N. is demanding?”
“It’s what they want OF the U.N., silly.”
“Then why didn’t they say so?”
I think they’re hoping for justice tempered with mercy; but if tempers flare, they’re likely to feel tempered steel instead.
“Are they taking care of the refugees?”
“Better than a care-taker government.”
“Let’s not be casual about the casualties.”
“That reminds me: we need to stop by the hospital.”
“It’s the next exit…. Um, Judy, why didn’t you turn off there?”
“You said the ‘next’ exit, not ‘this one.’”
“That doctor’s a qualified surgeon.”
“Then why did you give him only qualified support?”
We stopped by the pharmacy.
“I thought they were out of supplies?”
“Yes, until they took more out of the closet.”
“Their motto is ‘We dispense with care.’”
“Terrific. It looks like they’ve dispensed with formalities, as well – they’ve broken every rule!”
“Do you think they’ll get a dispensation for that?”
“I doubt it.”
“Look! I have a discharge!”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Well, according to the doctor, it’s all downhill from here!”
