A Look on the Lighter Side: Life-changing magic with spark, joy

Judy Epstein

“What on earth’s going on?”  My husband’s voice sounded a little panicky.  He’d come home early, to find me completely hidden by stacks of papers all around the living room.  

“I’m decluttering, of course,” I answered him.  

“De-cluttering?”  he said.  “Are you sure you’ve got that right?  Because it looks just a tad more cluttered than usual.”  

He slowly turned 360 degrees, surveying the scene. The sofa and chairs were piled high with file folders and notebooks, while stacks of loose papers teetered, hip-deep, around the floor; there was barely enough room to walk between without sustaining bodily paper cuts.  

The television had disappeared behind a forest of magazines, and it was unclear when we would be able to reach the sofa again, let alone eat at the dining room table.

“You should be happy,” I said.  “Admit it, you’ve been wanting me to do this for years.”

“I have?” he yelped. 

“Of course you have.  You’re always talking about decluttering.  Well, I’m finally doing it!  And this is how it works: this is what Marie Kondo writes about in her book, ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.’ 

She says you must bring everything together, one category at a time, from all over the house; then take each item in turn, in your hand, and ask one question:  “Does this thing spark joy in my heart?”  If the answer is “Yes,” you can keep it.  If not, out it goes.”

“Okayyyy,” he said slowly.  It was the tone of voice you would use to a crazy person. “But surely she didn’t mean for it to look like this?”

“Well, no,” I admitted.  “She said put it all on the bedroom floor, but there wasn’t room — and I thought you’d like that even less.”

“You’re right about that. But where does she say to live, in the meantime?”  

“You’ve got me there,” I answered.  “But this is the method, and she says her customers never have a relapse as long as they faithfully follow it.” 

“That’s just because nobody ever found the bodies!” 

“She says start with something easy, like clothes.  But I finished that this morning.”

“You did?  What happened?”

“Oh, I kept them all.  You know I buy so few things.…”

“But what about the 8 identical black turtleneck sweaters? What does she say about that?”

“She says that she never tells people what to keep and what to toss — just keep whatever makes them happy.” 

“What about tossing things that make your spouse unhappy?”

“If I were going to start with that, how many obsolete electronics parts do you think you’d have left?”

He blanched.  “Forget I said that.”

“But actually, Marie says you can only throw out your own stuff.”

He relaxed…a little. 

“And she’s right about one point: It isn’t a lack of space that creates clutter.  It’s failing to deal with your emotions about stuff, that causes problems.  That’s why you have to decide about everything if it gets to stay in your life.”

“And how’s that working for you?”

“It’s actually working! She’s all wrong about books, though. She actually thought it was fine to tear out pages she liked, from books, and then throw the rest away!  For a woman who insists that socks are in pain if you ball them up rather than fold them, how does she not hear her own books screaming?”  

“It’s a mystery,” my husband agreed. “But here’s a bigger mystery:  what are we doing about dinner?”

“We might have to eat out for a while. But there’s an even bigger problem.” 

“What’s that?”

“Well, these are just the papers from the den and attic.  We still have to bring in 30 boxes from the garage.”

“Why, what’s in those?”

“That’s the point: I have no idea.”

“And you’re really supposed to dump it all out, in one place?”  

“That’s the KonMari Method.”

“Well, I propose a slight variation,” my husband said.  He grabbed up several bags of papers labeled “Discard,” took something from the fridge and said, “Follow me.”

We went out to the patio, where he dragged out the firepit, piled the papers in, and lit them.

“Let’s see what kind of sparks this generates,” he said. Then he placed a grill over the flames, and laid some hot dogs across the top. “I’m writing a book, too,” he told me. “‘How to Survive While Someone Declutters Your Home.’  I call it The Bonfire Method.” 

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