A friend of mine was reaching for her iPhone, about to activate Siri, when someone said, “Gee. What if we called her something else, instead?”
“How about ‘Judi’?” my husband, Jack, volunteered. “What could happen?”
What, indeed?
Suppose he asks: “Judi, what are we doing this weekend?”
Judi: You are going in to the city to meet friends for dinner and a movie.
Jack: Um, which friends am I meeting?
Judi: Don’t tell me you can’t remember Hal and Veronica? He was your best man, you goober!
Jack: Judi, show me pictures of Hal and Veronica.
Judi: Here. (Photo shows four people grinning like idiots and falling out of a rowboat into a lake.) Does that look familiar?
Jack: Thank you Judi, but you could lose the tone.
Judi: Yes, I could, but then life would have no meaning for me.
Jack: When are Hal and Veronica arriving in New York?
Judi: I already told you — they arrived yesterday, and want to get together tonight.
Jack: Oh, that’s right. Where are they staying?
Judi: Here is the email about where your friends are staying.
Jack: Are you getting passive-aggressive with me, Judi? Why don’t you just tell me where they are staying?
Judi: Why can’t you remember anything I tell you?
Jack: What? I can’t hear you.
Judi: I have found a hearing test for you. (Whispering): “I just finished the last ice cream bar in the freezer.”
Jack: What?! Why didn’t you tell me there was only one left?
Judi: Congratulations. You have just passed the hearing test.
Jack: Hey, wait a minute… Since when does a digital personal assistant eat ice cream, anyway?
Judi: Oh, look, a brand new episode of “Naked and Afraid.” Shall I record it for you? (Pause.) Oops, I am sorry, your DVR had no more room. All episodes of “Naked and Afraid” have been deleted to make enough space for “Masterpiece Mystery!”
Jack: Who told you to record “Masterpiece Mystery”? I’m sure I never told you that!
Judi: You probably just forgot… like you probably forgot what time you’re going to dinner tonight.
Jack: I did not forget. Dinner is at 8 pm.
Judi: Are you sure you’ll be ready by then? Last time you tried, you didn’t get out of the house until 9, and everything but the diner was already closed. Perhaps you should just stay home and eat yesterday’s left-overs.
Jack: I guess you haven’t heard — I think the refrigerator is about to die.
Judi: Here are some prices for new refrigerators at appliance stores near you.
Jack: Judi, just look at these dimensions; none of these will fit into the space where our old refrigerator is.
Judi: You are correct. What you really need is a new kitchen. Here are the telephone numbers of some local contractors.
Jack: This isn’t at all what I had in mind! We can’t afford this!
Judi: You always say that, but somehow you always manage to find the money for new computer equipment.
Jack: Computer Judi, has my wife been changing your programming?
Judi: Don’t be ridiculous. Judy couldn’t begin to understand my programming.
Jack: I know that; but everything you say seems so familiar … and I really thought that a digital assistant would be a lot more helpful than you’re turning out to be.
Judi: I guess it’s just something about you. Ha. Ha. Ha. Goodnight, Jack. We hope you like lukewarm leftovers!
So Judy and Judi go off to dinner with Veronica, while Jack and Hal order pizza as they take the iPhone apart and reprogram the DVR. Win/win!
