After ObamaCare’s disastrous debut, I received many somewhat hysterical letters, asking me to explain the multitude of problems that this overhaul of our healthcare system has resulted in. I think I better answer one in particular before the writer does something really stupid or irrational, like actually read the bill before he automatically supports it.
Dear Dr. Morris,
All of us here at the Over the Hill Senior Citizen Center want to know about our new health insurance. Yesterday, during our morning Pilates class three perfectly healthy friends of mine went into cardiac arrest after they received their new insurance premiums. You will be happy to know that we followed the new guidelines and CPR was only started on those who voted for Obama.
Following every new rule, all our Republican, Conservative and Tea Party members were wearing a “do not resuscitate” sign with a smiling picture of Michelle and the kids on it. Unfortunately, we were only able to save two of them. But most of the people there were not very upset because the man we lost was one of the few remaining Republicans still living in Great Neck.
Further complicating the situation was the fact that the first doctor on the scene couldn’t even treat the elderly man because the doctor himself didn’t accept Medicare patients. Precious minutes were also lost because he had to quickly instruct a member of our kitchen staff in the proper CPR technique. By the way, the staff worker became so good at CPR that he was asked to join the medical staff at North Shore Hospital. But when he found out that under ObamaCare he was making more money as a busboy he obviously had to turn down the offer.
Fortunately, no time was lost because the doctor was then able to return to his more important duties of filling out all the necessary forms and making sure we were following all the new guidelines. So, we here at “Over The Hill” are counting on you to tell us about our newer, cheaper and upgraded benefits.
– Apprehensive old geezer from Long Beach
Dear old geezer,
I have great news for you. I just got an advanced copy of your new plan. Barack and the AARP are really “watching your back.” These are the new and improved benefits for all you retirees out there: Prenatal, maternity, pediatrics, birth control and best of all, third term abortions.
Unfortunately, these great benefits are only for seniors residing in districts that voted for Obama. Those poor folks living in Republican districts are on their own. Sorry, but sex change and breast implants are still not covered.
But if you or any member of your immediate family is a member of the ACLU, Acorn or the UFT, or if you can prove that you voted for Barack Obama more than once in any given election, you would automatically be covered. Barack never forgets his friends.
Also, I’m sorry to report that your new plan will not cover dentures, hearing aids, walkers, stool softeners or any heart or cancer treatment, other than a week’s supply of Tylenol (sorry, not extra-strength). After all, how many years do you guys have anyway? Stop being so selfish and only thinking of yourself.
Stephen Morris
North Hills
