I was in Macy’s not too long ago, looking for shoes. How could such a large department be composed entirely of ugly, uncomfortable-looking shoes?
Suddenly I spotted a style that might do — if the store had a pair in my size. I grabbed the sample and kept walking, looking for a salesman to show it to. I couldn’t find one, though; it seemed they were all on lunch-break at the same time.
Suddenly, a deep voice started shouting. “Hey! You!” it said. “Stop right there! Where do you think you’re going with that?”
I turned around to see who was causing such trouble. Apparently, it was me! A man had popped out from behind a shoe display, pointing and shouting at me.
“You can’t take that out of here,” he continued.
I looked where he was pointing: at the shoe in my hand. “I’m not taking it anywhere,” I replied, as calmly as I could manage. “I was just looking for you. Here. I need these in a size 9 — maybe 9-and-a-half.”
“I don’t do that,” he said. “I don’t work at Macy’s.”
“Really?” I said. “That’s odd. Because here you are, standing with me in the middle of the Macy’s shoe department. And it is Macy’s, right? At least, that was the name on the side of the building when I walked in, just minutes ago.”
“This is a stand-alone.”
“Whatever. These are shoes. I need shoes. Do you sell shoes? Or not?”
I still don’t know the answer to that question. I can tell you I did not buy any shoes that day… or at Macy’s ever again.
But we must brace ourselves for more of the same, because Macy’s announced, some months ago, that they would soon be re-designing entire stores to follow the example of that shoe department. They want the whole store to become a collection of “stand-alone” sections — each selling goods at a steep discount, or what they are pleased to call an “off-brand concept.”
I want to know: is that “off” as in “Off-Broadway?” Or as in “The fish is ‘off’ today, better order something else if you value your health.”
Either way, I am not enthused.
How will they work each of these tiny sections? Will each one have its own sales clerk and register? I doubt it; the whole idea seems to be to spend less money, not more, on personnel.
Or will potential customers be accosted, like I was in that shoe department when we cross invisible borders in search of a clerk? Will we be zapped by an invisible fence when we stray?
It sounds to me like the Titanic, announcing it will turn itself into a thousand tiny row-boats. (Actually, that might have worked better than this.)
I’m afraid it will end up with all the ambiance of a badly-lit hole-in-the-wall — except in those, at least the whole place is small enough that you can raise your voice and get help with a zipper even when everybody is outside for a smoke. I don’t know what happens when you need help in a Macy’s “stand-alone.” You really will “stand alone.”
Yes, service is going the way of the dodo. But we’d better adapt because it seems that nobody wants to be a department store anymore.
Lord & Taylor has gone so far as to announce it will be vacating its Fifth Avenue flagship store, entirely! (Although not, thank goodness, the one they just renovated in Manhasset, as far as I know.) Their parent company wants to “increase focus on digital opportunity,” whatever that means. Also on “improving profitability.” I know what that means: no people.
It’s as if they want me to leave their stores and buy everything from Amazon… but I don’t want to! I can’t think of anything drearier than a world full of people all alone every day, hunched over phones or computer keyboards, trying to figure out “Will that hurt my feet? Is that black, or blue?”
I see a million drones, flying out a million purchases…which probably won’t even fit.
Who will sponsor the Fourth of July Fireworks? Or the Thanksgiving Day Parade? Don’t tell me Amazon — like a big fleet of drones will get those balloons down Broadway every year, without knocking into lamp-posts or killing anyone.
It’ll be a world of drones — made of, by and for other drones. I hope there’s another planet ready soon for people to live on. That’s where you’ll find me. In comfortable shoes!
