A Look On The Lighter Side: A technology Carol for our times

Judy Epstein

I was arguing with one of our town’s parking meters.

“You stupid meter!” I yelled at it. “I’ve just fed you a dollar’s worth of quarters, and you did NOTHING! You’re still in the red! Now I’m out of quarters and I’ll probably get a hundred-dollar ticket and it’s all your fault!”

I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but my hands had slipped down to where the thing’s neck would have been, if it had had one, and my knuckles were white. “It’s robbery!” I yelled.

A fog began to rise up before my eyes. Suddenly, I heard a voice speak up from inside it.

“Parking meters are so last year,” it said. “Why not try something new?”

“Something new?” I responded. “Do you know me at all? Who are you, anyway?”

“I am the Ghost of Technology Present, which might as well be the Future to you,” it said.

“That sounds like something my kids would say,” I answered.“All I know is, I’m meeting one of them for lunch at this diner, as soon as I’ve paid the meter. Which might be never,” I growled.

“You could try this brand new app for your parking meter,” the voice calmly suggested. “It’s got good reviews.”

“Are you sure you’re a ghost?”

“I wish you’d quit nitpicking for a minute; they told me you’d do this. Look here.”

“At the busted meter? I know — maddening!” I replied.

“Not there. Here, on the side facing the car.”

I stepped closer. “It looks like…a sticker,” I said. “That’s technology? Stickers?”

“What does the sticker say?” persisted the spirit.
“It says… ‘Pay with the App — passport.com Parking’ and then there’s a zone number. So — can this thing fix the meter?”

“No, I think that’s too much to hope for. But at least you won’t have to wrestle with that hardware any longer. You just pay the app! And, if the money runs out while you’re still eating, you can put more money in… without ever leaving the restaurant!”

“I’ll try it later after we eat,” I told the Spirit. “I’m too hungry for anything new right now.”

“No, Mom, put it on your phone right now — or you might get that ticket.”

I did a double-take. “Where have you been?” I asked my son. “Did you see that Ghost?”

“What? No. And not another bite till you do this, Mom. Just go to the App store. You can do it.”

Reluctantly I followed my child’s instructions until I’d paid the meter.

“Congratulations! You did it!” But his voice was changing again, and by the time I looked up, the mists were back.

At least this time, I knew what to expect…. Or I thought I did. But this second ghostly presence was floating in mid-air, neither sitting in the booth with me nor standing on the floor. “Nice trick,” I said. “Which one are you?”

“I am the Ghost of Technology Future, of course.”

“All right. So what have you got to show me? Flying cars? Telekinesis? Maybe a robot gigolo?”

“None of the above. It’s actually something you were wishing for, just the other day: a small Temporary Anti-Gravity Field.” This ghost had a deep rich voice, like James Earl Jones’. “You remember? You wanted to get the living room rug shampooed, but there were too many bookcases and cabinets to move off the rug? Well, your wish is my command.”

“That actually sounds great!” I said. “Maybe this future stuff isn’t all bad.”

“Oops, my time is up,” said Future Ghost, consulting what seemed to be an invisible watch.

I had a question. “Should I wait here for my visit from the Ghost of Technology Past? Or pay the bill and go home?”

“Actually, she’s not coming today. She wants to retire, and we’ve been wondering if you’d be interested in the job?”

“Do I have to die?” I asked him

“No, you can just sneak up on people with the help of this fog machine. Then you simply talk their ear off about the good old days.”

“Where do I sign?” I asked. Sounds like just the job for me!

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