This time of year, everyone is making lists: who’s naughty or nice, and what to give them accordingly. I’m making a list, too: the best and worst things about this season.
Grumpy Judy says, “It’s about time! Tell me, why all the Pumpkin-Spice-everything? What if I’m allergic? Not everyone is a fan.”
Cheerful Judy replies, “Oh come on, couldn’t you use some pumpkin pie, right about now? Or better yet, apple cobbler? Or some of these amazing butter cookies? I tell you, there is no better time of the year for deliciousness. There are cakes and cookies everywhere!”
Grumpy Judy: That’s just the trouble! Before you even know it, you’ve swallowed 500 calories and licked your fingers.
Cheerful Judy: All the more reason to go walking with me, every morning — the air is so nice and crisp.
Grumpy: I guess morning is better than afternoon. How can it be dark already by 4:30 p.m.? I’ve never seen it so bad. And so depressing! Why can’t we just keep the clocks on Daylight Savings Time, all year ‘round?
Cheerful: Look at it this way — all the more reason to enjoy all the Christmas lights!
Grumpy, grudgingly: You have a point there. They do brighten the gloom, a bit.
Cheerful: Even the brightly-colored ones some people call “garish”?
Grumpy: Yep. Nowadays, I like them all.
Cheerful: And remember how they helped us navigate, that time we got lost?
Grumpy: That was your fault — meeting people for dinner on the longest night of the year! We went around and around the streets in that neighborhood — and not a single intersection with four square corners — until finally, it was the crazy Christmas lights in one house’s window that alerted you we had passed it twice already!
Cheerful: So now you’re a fan of holiday lights? Christmas; Chanukah; Kwanzaa; even Diwali?
Grumpy: Yeah, sure — as long as nothing big catches fire.
Grumpy pauses for a swig of coffee, then continues: All the emphasis on shopping, though, and gift-giving — you don’t have to be Christian to resent how every store, every ad is pushing you to buy, buy, buy this time of year! I never know what people want, unless they tell me — but people won’t do that. I’m not a mindreader! If you want a pair of gloves, tell me!
Cheerful: Thank you, they’re just what I wanted. What bugs me is all the Christmas decorations that start before Halloween!
Grumpy: And the music! All that piped-in “Yuletide cheer”! I don’t know how anybody can stand it. Especially when it’s not even Thanksgiving yet!
Cheerful: But if it wasn’t Christmas music playing in the stores, do you really think it would be anything you’d like better?
Grumpy: I suppose not. Except hey, do you remember that one time? You were humming along to something when you realized it was “Springtime for Hitler,” from Mel Brooks’ “The Producers”?
Cheerful: (defensively) Well, it is a catchy little tune. (Starts humming it.)
Grumpy: Stop that, or you’ll get us both in trouble! All that happens to me, when I hear Christmas music, is a muscle memory of how awful the parking lots are at Roosevelt Field. I get flashbacks!
Cheerful: But what if music helps cheer people up? Isn’t that worth it?
Grumpy: More likely it reminds them of their depressingly long To Do lists, before their family visits. How does anyone manage to get every room in the house clean, at the same time?
Cheerful: I don’t care what you say, you’re not bringing me down! This time of year has wonderful music, from the Shaker tune “Simple Gifts” that Dad always sang at Thanksgiving, to the Nutcracker ballet, to the church groups … there are so many kinds of music, being done by so many people. There’s even a church in Port Washington — St. Stephen’s Episcopal — that lets folks join the choir, at the start of every December, to sing Handel’s “Messiah”! And I love to hear them. It’s just amazing what human beings can achieve — with a little training, and the willingness to be part of a group that’s working toward something bigger than themselves.
Grumpy Judy: Okay, you have a point. There are plenty of things to cheer up about. And maybe I will. As long as you don’t make me drink any Pumpkin Spice Lattes!
Cheerful Judy: That’s a promise.
