I always thought that, when buying big things like furniture, the best strategy was to wait for a holiday sale.
But recently, I discovered that stores have strategies, too. I discovered this during dinner-table conversation with a lawyer, who was talking about holiday sales.
“By law, if a store calls something their ‘sale’ price, then there must be some time, somehow, when that item sells for more than that.”
“Even if it’s just one day out of the year?”
“Precisely.”
“And that day,” said my husband, leaning across the table to make his point, “would be the day that Judy walks into the store.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about. Just because I tried to buy a new sofa…
CUT TO: Interior, big fancy furniture store
Me: “Hello! Anybody here?”
Salesman, jumping up so fast his chair rolls back and hits the wall behind him: “Oh, hello! Are you looking for someone?”
Me: “Not exactly – I’m looking for a sofa.”
Salesman: “Oh! Really?”
Me: “Why? Aren’t you open? Should I come back tomorrow?”
Salesman: “Oh, no, don’t do that! I can help you, really, just let me put this away.” (He hastily wraps up a large burrito salad and stuffs it into his desk drawer.)
Me, with doubt in my voice: “You do have sofas, don’t you?”
Salesman: “We certainly do – every style and color! And the best part is, they’re all on sa – I mean, they’re all quite reasonably priced. What’s your budget?”
Me: “Well, I don’t have a budget, really – and I’m running out of time. My mother-in-law is visiting for the weekend, and the last time she came, the last good couch cushion ripped and the stuffing spilled out, so I’m rather desperate – do you deliver?”
Salesman (eyes lighting up): “Have no fear, you’ll be putty in my – I mean, you’re in good hands. How about this combination here, a sofa and armchair, our Captain and Admiral models? They come in every one of these colors…. Or perhaps these two, a sofa and loveseat? We call them the Luxor and Dendur – and you’ll want the sofa as a queen-size sleeper, I imagine. That costs a little more, but it’s really an excellent value.”
Me: “How about this one? There’s just something about it I like…”
Salesman, eyeing the tag: “Me, too! I can see that you have exquisite taste…would you like a rug to go with that? I can show you several styles…”
Saleswoman, attracted to the scene: “Maybe you’d like to look at bedroom sets, while you’re here? I can help…”
Salesman, a bit forcefully: “We’re good here, Shauna, thanks.” And he waves her away before turning back to me: “Let me show you our second floor …”
As we go upstairs, I ask: “But don’t you have to watch the door?”
Salesman: “Oh, don’t you worry, we’ve got the place to ourselves today! Pretend you’ve booked a private showing!”
Me: “Wow, such service! And all my friends say you can never find a salesman when you need one. I don’t know what they’re talking about! You know, now that you mention it, the kids’ rooms could use a little sprucing up. Do you have end-tables to match those headboards?”
Salesman: “Of course we do! And dressers, too. But the best way to go, I always think, is to get the bed, dresser, desk and end-tables at the same time. That way, they’ll all match, and you won’t have to worry that you’ve left anything out.”
Stockboy, breathless, running up stairwell from basement: “Are you looking for a car, too, ma’am? Because I’ve got one… Ouch!” (Salesman slams door on his fingers.)
Me: “And you can really handle all of this today? Because if it’s too much, I can come back tomorrow…”
Salesman: “Oh, don’t do that, right now is perfect – no time like the present, I always say! Will that be a charge card, I presume?”
Me: “Oh! Would you look at that – I left my whole wallet home! I’ll have to come back tomorrow, after all! What a disappointment!”
Salesman: “YOU’RE disappointed?”
It was the first time I’d ever seen a grown man cry. But not the last. The second time was later that day, when I told my husband the story. But at least his were tears of relief!
