I was at my desk when it happened. “Oh, no,” I moaned.
“What’s the matter?” my husband asked. “Are you in pain?”
“Not pain, exactly,” I told him. “But I don’t have a single idea for this week’s column, and it’s due today!”
“Oh dear, that is a dilemma,” he said. His words sounded sympathetic, but the effect was ruined by a smile from ear to ear.
“I’m suffering and you’re happy?”
“No, of course not. It’s just that, every time you’re stuck in your writing, you start to clean. The last time this happened, I noticed the grout in the bathroom shower was suddenly whiter. Now I see you’ve been dusting in the dining room.…”
“You saw that? What gave me away?”
“I can tell what color the placemats are, again.”
“You know, there’s nothing stopping you from cleaning, too! I bet you can use the vacuum cleaner even better than I can.”
“Oh, but I don’t want to get in your way.”
“At least, help me pull the ladder over here. I have to get those cobwebs off the light fixture.”
He helped me get to the cobwebs. But anytime my husband looks that happy, I know I’ve done something wrong. So I quit dusting and went back to my desk.
Or tried to. “How is it I’ve never noticed this stack of dirty dishes before?” I asked him.
“Don’t ask me, I’ve been nudging them a little closer to your keyboard every day.”
“You could just wash them yourself, you know.”
“And deny you the pleasure? I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said. “Besides, you’re better at it.”
We both know I’m not. More to the point, he knows that I am never interested in cleaning anything until I’m on a deadline for something else.
The trouble is, then I’m doing two things badly, instead of one!
Perhaps you know the fable about the donkey that was equally placed between two piles of hay, and starved to death because it couldn’t decide which one to eat?
I’m just like that donkey, except that I am fatally suspended between two things I equally hate — house-cleaning, or finishing a piece of writing when inspiration has failed to strike.
Stumped for ideas, I start reading online articles about how to jump-start the brain. Here’s one, about how some people think that if you grunt while exerting yourself — like Monica Seles playing tennis at Wimbledon, or me looking for a soup can at the very back of the cabinet — it can actually improve your efficiency. I give it a try.
“What’s happened now?” my husband calls from another room. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“No, I’m just trying to improve my efficiency.“
“Is it working?”
“Not very well,” I must confess. I’ve forgotten what I was looking for.
Other articles say it helps to smile, and might even improve your metabolism. That’s too ridiculous to even try. Besides, my spouse might believe I’m enjoying myself, and nothing could be farther from the truth.
Back at my desk, I can’t help noticing all the dust on the bookshelves over my head. I decide that I must stop everything to dust them off.
Three shelves later, it occurs to me that all I’ve done is knock a years’ worth of dust onto my keyboard…so it’s practically a health requirement that I head out the door for some air!
On my way out, I walk past a clock. I’ve only written three paragraphs, so far, but hey! I’ve also washed a few dishes, dusted some shelves, even organized a soup can or two — and it’s only 4 o’clock! Which is really 3 o’clock, when you factor in that this is the first day of Daylight Savings Time.
“Oops! Sorry, Judy, that’s the one clock I forgot to change,” says my beloved. So it’s not 4 o’clock, after all, it’s really 5. In the blink of an eye, I’m two hours behind! How can it be so late, and me with nothing to show for it?
“Say, Judy — if you’re not going to clean anymore, and you’re not getting anywhere with the writing, either, there is one thing I could use some help with: preparing our taxes.”
That’s all the inspiration I need! Suddenly I’m back at my keyboard, fingertips flying.
Turns out all I needed was the right motivation.
