I’ve noticed the following problem in many patients. Despite hard work and all manner of achievements they still don’t feel they belong or are worthy of status or confidence. An athlete may be among the top ten in the world in his sport but feels lowly and tense. A businessman may earn over a million dollars per year yet feels on the verge of poverty. A beautiful young girl who is a straight-A student and gets a full scholarship to a prestigious college feels ugly and dumb and uncool. Despite all the achievements, they are not able to accommodate to these facts or feel any self-esteem.
One way I attempt to find answers to these troubling questions is to 1) stroll through the woods like Henry David Thoreau once did at Walden Pond or 2) study a role model for answers. I had never been to Sagamore Hill in Cove Neck, so I felt this might be a good place to hike and at the same time study Teddy Roosevelt as a role model.
Sagamore Hill was the home and the nation’s summer White House for Teddy Roosevelt and his family. He is widely considered to be one of the top five presidents in our history. He was champion of the Fair Deal Act and a pioneer for the conservation movement, which saved 230 million acres of public land, including Yosemite National Park, Wind Cave National Park and Crater Lake National Park.
Roosevelt was a published ornithologist, a Harvard graduate and the man who came to symbolize cowboy-type masculinity. He wrote the military book “The Naval War of 1812” and as president he established the United States as a world power by strengthening our Navy. He was the guy who said “walk softly but carry a big stick” and the Teddy Bear, every child’s favorite toy, was named after him.
But Teddy Roosevelt came a long way from his childhood years when he was a sickly, fragile, shy and bedridden child, debilitated with severe asthma. He transcended his past to become the 26th president of the United States and won the Nobel Peace Prize for brokering the end of the Russo-Japanese War. How was it possible for a frail and sickly child to convert himself into the leader of the famed Rough Riders in the Spanish American War? How was it possible for this weak boy to become the symbol of masculinity for Americans?
I found the answer at Sagamore Hill. On the crest of his sprawling estate stands his Queen Anne-style mansion built in 1884 overlooking his farmland and with a view of the cove in the distance. He has 83 acres along the water, but to get down to the cove you must first walk through wooded trails and slowly work your way down to the water where there is a long wooden bridge which takes you to his beach. This is an idyllic setting if there ever was one. Roosevelt raised cattle, sheep, chickens and chopped wood for the fun of it.
So how did he overcome his early childhood illnesses to grow into a world leader and build this amazing and beautiful home? How do patients who suffered as kids remain steadfast in their efforts to overcome their past problems and finally become proud of what they have achieved rather than remain self-doubting?
The answer to this question is found by using Teddy Roosevelt’s family background. His father was an extraordinary man who accumulated wealth through his plate glass company and was a philanthropist who founded both The Metropolitan Museum of Art and The American Museum of Natural History. Theodore Roosevelt Sr. was loving and caring but also expected that all his children would exemplify honesty, integrity, courage, discipline and kindness. He did not pamper any of them and so his offspring and nieces and nephews went on to accomplish great things. They became presidents and first ladies, poets and professors.
We all must face adversity in order to succeed, but we will need love in order to do so. Teddy Roosevelt was aided by tutors, the love and discipline provided by his father.
Many people question the need for therapy and wonder if it is worth the time and money. My function as a therapist is to be consistent, patient, sympathetic, empathic, at times confrontational and consistent. The therapist is the one who makes up for the lack experienced in childhood. We call this the corrective emotional experience. We play the role of the loving mirror, reflecting back to the patient all the good things they have accomplished. And when that work is done, the self-doubt vanishes.
We are the Teddy Bears to our patients, just as Teddy Roosevelt’s father was his Teddy Bear, helping him to overcome fears and self-doubt. So if you wonder how to feel proud of all the work you have done, maybe you ought to go visit Sagamore Hill up in Locust Valley to see how one man found his pride and his joy.
