By Andrew Malekoff
On Friday, Jan. 18, a group of high school students from Kentucky’s Covington Catholic High School were captured in what has become a viral video, in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C.
The focal point of the video was high school student Nick Sandman facing off with Omaha elder Nathan Phillips. Phillips was in the U.S. Capital for first Indigenous People’s March. The boys were there to attend the March for Life, an annual anti-abortion rally.
The video generated the iconic photo of the white teenage boy, wearing red Make America Great Again hat and appearing to be smirking at the tribal elder, who was beating a drum and singing. The video and photo have been interpreted and re-interpreted through a variety of personal and political lenses, all with deep racial overtones.
Although there is no physical threat suggested in the photo of the boy and the elder, as poet and art critic Mark Strand once remarked about another set of images, “The shadow of dark hangs over them, making whatever narratives we construct around them seem sentimental and beside the point.”
In today’s environment, when divisions of all sorts seem to be increasing in our culture, it’s more important than ever to be conscious of raising children who learn about racism and who are committed to equality for all.
We need to encourage discussions about race and racism not as taboo, but as a normal part of growing up. It’s misguided to think that, by talking about race, you will make your kids notice race more or make them racist.
My Guidance Center colleague Regina Barros-Rivera says that parents’ behavior is extremely important in how children form their opinions.
She recommends that, if your child or teen makes a racist comment in front of their friends and you hear it, wait until you are alone with them to point out the problem.
“You don’t want to embarrass them, but you must let them know it’s not acceptable to make jokes or the comments that are racist or degrading to anyone,” she says. “Have a conversation with them and explain your feelings, rather than scolding them.”
One study determined that a parent’s communications with their child — both explicitly and through the transmission of stereotypes and beliefs that they may not even be aware they have — is one of the largest factors in determining their offspring’s attitudes about race.
It is often the everyday fleeting indignities, consciously expressed or not, that communicate racial slights and insults toward people of color. It is the cumulative impact of these messages or ‘micro-aggressions’ that can produce the greatest and most lasting damage.
Sociologist Margaret Hagerman in an article in Time magazine stated: “How white children learn about racism in America does not only happen during the interactions they have at school. Everyday behaviors of white parents also matter: when to lock the car doors, what conversations to have at the dinner table, how to react to news headlines, who to invite over for summer cookouts, when to roll one’s eyes, what media to consume, how to respond to overtly racist remarks made at a family dinner.”
I wonder what kinds of discussions occur at the smirking boy’s dinner table and what, if any, conversation his parents had with him after they discovered that their son went viral last Friday.
For resources on how to have meaningful discussions with your children, visit this website from the Center for Racial Justice in Education: https://centerracialjustice.org/resources/resources-for-talking-about-race-racism-and-racialized-violence-with-kids/
To get involved on a local level, visit Erase Racism at: https://www.eraseracismny.org/
Andrew Malekoff is the executive director of North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, which provides comprehensive mental health services for children from birth through 24 and their families. To find out more, visit www.northshorechildguidance.org.
