Loss is a part of life. Those who manage it well get ahead in life. Those that do not will be bogged down in depression and unresolved pain.
I have written many articles on this difficult subject. Businessmen, athletes, soldiers, parents and children all must learn to manage loss. The ability to effectively cope with life’s daily setbacks virtually guarantees a successful life.
Conversely the inability to work through losses will guarantee failure, stagnation and lack of growth. Loss is best handled by sharing your feelings with others. The process of funerals is a cultural ritual that includes a sharing of feelings and a gathering of support. Sharing tears gives witness to your pain which leads to mourning and healing.
I have known Chris Joyce, one of the directors of Weigand Bros. Funeral Home for many years. He was kind and gentle with me when I lost my son eight years ago. So let us take a look this week at the working of Weigand’s Bros. Funeral Home, right there at 49 Hillside Avenue.
Weigand Bros. has been a part of Williston Park for over 60 years. Just a quick glance at their website will show you how organized and professional they are. Chris Joyce is a third generation mortician and his partner John Ciolko has been in the business for 18 years.
Funerals are one of the most important cultural rituals we have. The reason the “Our Town” play won the Pulitzer was because of the third act, the funeral scene where the young and recently deceased Emily Gibbs asks the narrator if she can return to life for just one day just to see and to feel the simple beauty of life one more time. So with hope that I would learn something more about life and death I walked into Weigand Bros. armed with my questions.
The place looks brand new and it is clear that this is a family-run business that cares about appearances. The first thing I asked was if this kind of work made them sad. Chris told me “It can be sad at times but is also very fulfilling as well. We try hard to help the families get to the next step in life, treat the loved ones with compassion and dignity and give the family a chance to grieve.”
So how is this grieving process handled by most of us? I know that I wrote about my son’s death for in a syndicated column I once had with the Journal Register Company. That plus the feedback I received from readers was very helpful to me. I also used a good analyst that listened to my grief for weeks. And when all these stages are complete, the so-called stages of denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance, then you can get on with life again because this process is necessary and cleansing and maybe even educational.
I asked the two directors if they had learned about life through seeing death every day. They both told me “life is short and life is precious. Try to live your life to its fullest every day. Enjoy it and enjoy your family.”
And that is the lesson these two experts can give. The value of their funerals is that it helps us mourn and gives us wisdom. The wisdom I saw in Thornton Wilder’s play is the same thing these men told me at Weigands. Make your bucket list and enjoy your daily life as well.
So this life is a two-part journey. First is to see your daily life as a joy. Then go make your bucket list and make the trip you have been putting off. I have seen Paris and London and Florence and Seoul but there is more to see. I want to see Yosemite Park, Barcelona and the south of France.
Williston Park is the sweetest of places with the sweetest of people. But it is only .6 squares miles large. The world outside of our boarders is vast and some of it very beautiful.
Weigand Bros. can help those we love make the passage to the next life. And we get a chance to say our goodbyes to our children, our siblings or our parents. We all die too young. We all meet the grim reaper. This is true. What can be done about this?
Only two things really. Listen carefully to the wisdom of Thornton Wilder or Chris Joyce or John Ciolko. Life is short, realize this and try to enjoy your daily life and make a bucket list. Then buy that plane ticket and see the gorgeous world that awaits you. And it wants to be seen by you. I promise.
