People wonder why I won’t make plans with them.
“We’re getting tickets for our whole family to go to the Cirque du Soleil; wouldn’t you like to join us?”
“If you want to see ‘Hamilton,’ you have to plan a year ahead. Can’t you just pick a date?”
“We’d love to have you visit the cabin next summer. Just tell us what weekend works for you.”
I’d love to do all these things; but whenever I plan that far ahead, something always goes wrong.
Take that time with the circus. I bought tickets, and we were all excited.
But when the day arrived, it turned out that was the kindergartener’s “Moving Up” day — something not mentioned on any calendar.
Another year, it turned out to be the day of the school band concert, and the cornet player had a solo. Who could have predicted that? Not even his doting mom!
In general, the school years are filled with special events that pop up, unannounced, wreaking havoc with all your attempts to make long-term plans. Even birthday parties!
“Birthday parties? Mom — Aren’t those the same day, every year? Isn’t that kind of the whole point of a birthday?”
“You would think so. But yours, and your brother’s, are over the summer …”
“Well, whose fault is that?”
“…so the teachers schedule them randomly, in the weeks before school lets out. But it’s never the same date, twice — so it’s hard to plan.”
“You could just send the cupcakes with a note.…”
“What kind of mother misses her own child’s birthday?”
“I take the Fifth on answering that, Mom. Anyway, we’re not little kids any more, so now you don’t have that excuse.”
“Then in high school … Remember that Honor Society Induction?”
My child just groans. His dad says, “What’s that about?”
“You missed it, It all happened so fast — but one day, I happened to be up at school and one of the other moms said, “You, too?”
I said, “What do you mean?” And she said, “Hurry up! The induction is in half an hour — but you need go home and get a dress shirt for the assembly.”
“What assembly?”
“National Honor Society! I thought you knew — my son told me your son is in, too — but only if you can get him that shirt.”
It’s hard to plan anything with that kind of notice. So what I learned was not to make plans.
“But Mom — maybe the thing to learn, instead, was the importance of putting future events on the calendar? So you can plan around them?”
“It just gets worse. Remember College Orientation?”
“Not really.”
“I had inside information from another mom. ‘Book your trip early,’ she warned me. ‘It’s the only way to get a hotel near campus for moving-in day.’ So I did. We were all set — airplane tickets for you, me, and your Dad. A rental car big enough to hold everything we might have to buy for your dorm. Arriving one day early, even, so we could get all the shopping done before the crowd arrived. And guess what happened?”
“I can’t go through this again,” my husband said, and left the room.
“I had booked everything one day late instead of early. I don’t know how — I’m still fuming — but we had to rebook every ticket — with a $250 penalty each. And because it was a package, the hotel fell through, too. I was on the phone for an hour, and I remember saying “All I care about is that we still get that minivan. Can you guarantee that?”
“Yes, that’s guaranteed,” the woman assured me.
“Whoever told you that?” said the man at the rental place. “There are no guarantees.”
There was also no car. We ended up looking at the smallest, dirtiest car on the lot — and for an extra $100 a day, to boot. “Last Minute rates,” they were happy to explain. “Why didn’t you plan ahead?”
I opened my mouth to explain. I had it all planned: my pithy, sarcastic speech about how planning ahead is just what I had done, or anyway tried to do, only to find that nothing had gone according to plan.
That was the plan. But instead, the most surprising thing happened. I broke down and cried. And they gave me the original car, for the original price, and threw in a box of Kleenex for free.
So you see? It’s just like they say: Planning ahead is planning to fail. That’s why, from now on, it’s the spontaneous life for me!
