You may recall last week’s column which was originally titled Unhappy in America all about the growing malaise in America.
My publisher may have thought that the title was off putting so it was changed to ‘Best and worst of times in America.’
Indeed the subject matter was rather dismal.
I wrote about the general anhedonia the nation was suffering with and suggested it was caused by the growing inequality, our sense of isolation, political corruption, the general inability to have a rational debate and general stress induced by the speed of technology.
Our malaise is by no means an overstatement but one of the miraculous parts of human nature is that when things get bad we address these problems by making changes.
That’s one reason every doomsday prediction turns out wrong. Those who predict our doom always fail to factor in our amazing ability to problem solve, adapt and make changes.
And so it is with the current state of American malaise. An amazing piece in New York Magazine was entitled “Read this story and get happier” by Adam Sternbergh.
He had heard about a course being taught at Yale University by Laurie Santos called Psychology and the Good Life. Dr. Santos was concerned about the level of anxiety, depression and stress in the student body at Yale and wanted to create a course that would help them out.
Her course has become the most talked about college course in America and the most popular in the school’s history.
Adam Sternbergh discovered many things over the semester.
The first few classes focused on how easily humans are manipulated into thinking material things will lead to unending happiness. All those advertisements we ingest each day tell us that a good beer, a sweeter milkshake, a longer vacation or a bigger home guarantee happiness.
All you have to do is make, find or borrow enough money and joy is yours.
Professor Santos quoted research that revealed that all those material changes will have very minor impact on happiness. Research by Professor Sonia Lyubomirsky of University of California at Riverside tells us that happiness is 50 percent genetic, 10 percent circumstantial and 40 percent based upon thoughts, behaviors and attitude.
This means that if you’re lucky you were born smiling, your lot in life matters little but what matters lots is if you are optimistic, brave and think positively.
Dr. Santos and Mr. Sandbergh appear to minimize the real challenge it is to change one’s thinking or attitude, they are nonetheless on the right track.
As a psychoanalyst I have spent 10 hours a day, five days a week for the last 25 years attempting to help my patients establish a better attitude toward life.
Dr. Santos also used the book “Stumbling on Happiness” by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert.
Dr. Gilbert suggested that happiness is not stumbled upon but must be created by you. He also said that the impact of any major event, whether that’s hitting the lottery or getting fired will be gone and forgotten within three months and you will return to your baseline mood once again.
It reminds me of a conversation I had in a bar with a friend when I was in college.
He suggested that no matter what happens in any given day, you will be back to normal within three days. Both statements seem to me to be true. Thanks to the power of forgetting combined with our ability to problem solve all will be well within a very short time.
Dr. Santos also emphasized that the most precious commodity we have is not money but time and to use it wisely. This is one of the benefits of aging. As one endures the loss of loved ones you inevitably become aware of how temporary life is which enhances ones appreciation of each day the longer we live.
Dr. Santos recommends to her students to spend more time with friends, keep a gratitude journal, practice optimism, keep active, and savor life’s many pleasures.
My guess is that her wise counsel will have only a minor impact on most of her students but I commend her for fighting the good fight. Millennials, Gen Xer’s and Baby Boomers are all in the same boat.
We are hypnotized into believing that money buys happiness.
However, the problem is that it takes so much time to make money that one loses out on the only thing that matters which is time itself.
One of my favorite novels was the Jean-Paul Sartre masterpiece “Nausea.”
In the novel, the main character is always sitting in a café listening to Ethel Waters singing the jazz classic “Some of these days.”
The lyrics go “Some of these days, you’ll miss me honey. Some of these days, you’re gonna feel so lonely.”
This song is supposedly about lost love but I think a better interpretation and the reason Sartre included this song in the novel is that the song is about the loss of time rather than the loss of love.
Sartre’s work supports Dr. Santos plea to value time more than money and to spend time wisely.
If you want to find more happiness think about pausing more often, walking around outside more often and having coffee with a friend just to chat about nothing at all.
Bravo to Dr. Santos and her message of savoring the simple joys.
