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More people are living past age 85 than at any time in history.
In the U.S. there are now 6 million folks over 85, up from 1 million in 1960.
For an American reaching 85 in 2018, life expectancy was less than 60 when he or she was born.
Casey Stengel’s quote launches the Epilogue in John Leland’s new book: “Most people my age are dead at the present time. You could look it up.”
Stengel, “The Old Perfesser” (sic), was 72 at that time (1962), the year he became manager of the Mets. Unlike most in his generation, he made it to 1975, dying at age 85.
Now, males who reach 85 this year can expect to live until 2024; women until 2025.
“That’s a lot of time not planned for,” notes Leland in his provocative study of the “old, old” – “Happiness is a Choice You Make.”
Too often, says Leland, we think about frailties, decline, isolation and huge medical bills associated with aging.
However, from his first-hand associations with men and women, ranging in age from late 80s to 101, Leland endorses the view of Cornell gerontologist, Karl Pillemeyer: elders are “a repository of wisdom and experience.”
Neither commentator is dismissive of the negatives of aging (72 percent of 85 and older have at least one disability; 55 percent have more than one).
Perhaps a striking reminder for some North Shore elders is Leland’s depiction of frustrations as increasingly arthritic fingers “drop little white heart pills,” which are then “invisible on the floor.” [I’ve experienced that with tiny Carvedilol pills!]
However, notwithstanding these and other travails, most folks are surprised by key aspects of elder experiences, especially those contributing to a “positivity effect.” Leland cites studies finding that “a sense of well-being” for elders (even past age 90) is higher than that of youth (age 20!)
Leland concludes: “As much as we idealize adolescence and young adulthood, older people are more content, less anxious or fearful, less afraid of death, more likely to see the good side of things and accept the bad, than young adults.”
How can older people, with so little time left to them, “feel better about their lives than the people with the world in front of them,” asks Leland?
This is the major theme of his book, exploring ways that elders achieve and sustain a “positivity effect” (a key is not dwelling on negative experiences as much as youth do, a move toward stoicism.)
Hearing about these generational differences raises concerns about the perils of growing up for our youth.
Leland highlights a sad point that many other analysts have made: we are increasingly living in an “age separated society.”
Can all of our lives be improved by more inter-generational connections?
Colleges, especially, often become youth ghettoes. Students rarely interact with adults, including their professors.
Generational separations are highlighted in surveys that show fewer than 25 percent of folks over age 60 ever have serious conversations with people under age 36.
That interaction percentage shrinks to 6 percent when relatives are excluded from the counting.
Hofstra University has been recognized for developing ways to spread shared positivity: we sponsor inter-generational forums. The appreciations across age divides (among young and old who newly experience them) fuels enthusiasm for a more connected society.
As in going to a spa for fitness training, a solitary (or occasional) experience is not sufficient.
The key is making a practice of such regular gatherings (where folks whose ages span 15 to 100 develop keener understandings, and, with them, an eagerness to be mutually attentive.)
Years ago, another Cornell scholar, Urie Bronfrenbrenner, stated that the gauge of a good society is the extent to which generations care about – and for – each other.
All relationships are built on shared values, experiences, willingness to learn from each other, and to advance shared goals. This week, columnist Frank Bruni emphasized the importance “to widen the circle of human beings who know you and care about you.”
It is impossible to build relationships when folks are physically separated. We can’t expect to know someone with whom we are not speaking.
Building lasting, caring ties require more than limited interactions (as Leland confesses from his minimal, early experiences with his own aging mother.)
Leland chastises himself for his conduct. But his personal separations fueled his studies of the resiliency and passions among elders (despite inevitable age deteriorations.) Among the old, he finds an emphasis on gratitude in life and in relationships.
The huge significance of expressing, and of receiving, gratitude is also a major theme of the past best-selling book “Happier,” by Tal Ben-Shahar.
Exploring the range of ways to foster joys in aging (with ripple effects for others) brings to mind the charming children’s book, “Stop That Ball,” and its key refrain:
“Could this go on all day and night?
“It could you know – and it just might.”
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