What did I do in a past life that has resulted in the current attempt to drown me in paper junk mail?
It’s much worse than the junk e-mail messages because all I must do there is punch a button and the unwanted stuff disappears.
But the paper stuff physically piles up and must be manhandled out to the trash, where it will wind up in the landfills or the oceans or the gutters.
Case in point: I have been receiving 2017 calendars ever since April of 2016.
April! The calendar jet stream has never let up since then, and the silly season of holiday mailings has just begun.
Okay, I’m probably guilty of having once sent 10 bucks to a favorite charity when they sent me a calendar.
But that was one time — and it was years ago. But the all-seeing eyes of America’s fund raisers never sleep; once they fix their glare on you, you’re on their hook forever, or so it seems.
I must have received more than 20 calendars so far in 2016.
I give them away, or throw them away, and once in a while I might even keep a particularly pretty one — but I never, ever pay for an unsolicited calendar.
If it isn’t calendars, then it’s a deluge of greeting cards. Why?
Cards are things I have never, ever ordered, or used, or wanted. (And anyway, I thought the world has given up on paper cards in favor of electronic messages of some kind — however those fund raisers clearly have not received that memo.)
Hardly a week goes by without my opening up some fat envelope only to find an assortment of sappy greeting cards (the ones with little puppies, or playful kittens, or sunrises embossed with some syrupy goo about sharing the love).
And that’s another thing: Am I the only person being tortured by those super-large envelopes with impossible opening instructions that I eventually need to attack with the kitchen scissors?
Their only point is to get my attention by means of their sheer size; surely something important must be inside.
But no: Once the contents are dumped on the table, all that’s in there is same old same old send-ten-dollars-now-to renew-your-membership — or some such.
What membership?
I never joined your strange organization in the first place, so why are you sending me my “last chance to double my contribution” reminders.?
So here’s an open letter to fund raisers across the country: Sending me your calendars will not guilt me into sending you any money.
The same goes for the greeting card pushers: I wouldn’t send those cards even if they were free, which they are, to me, because I’m not going to pay for things I did not specifically order.
Oh, yes: And sending me a nickel, a dime, a fifty cent piece or even a silver dollar will not maneuver me into making a contribution to your mysterious organizations.
If I’m in a good mood I may send back the dollar if you have provided a postage free envelope; otherwise I’ll just keep it and spend it.
The same goes for the calendars, the cards, the cute little key chains, the book marks, and everything else you send to me unsolicited.
Please take notice: I am never going to pay for any of this stuff, and I won’t support any organization that tries to get my attention that way.
Elizabeth Allen
Great Neck
